Dear Lover

Dear Lover,

I'm sorry it's been so long since I last wrote you. It's not because I've given up on you. But I had to turn my eyes inward for a while. You see, it occurred to me that I while I haven't given up on you, I might have given up on myself for a while.

You see, Lover, a long time ago, I didn't think very highly of myself. I considered myself unworthy of love -- especially from someone as excellent as I believe you to be. I spent a long time alone working to correct that. And now, I know I'm a great guy and deserving of love and respect from other people -- especially my special someone.

But recently, I've become aware that it's time to peel away another layer of that same onion. While I may now see myself as a great and lovable person, I don't always see myself as a desirable person -- both sexually and otherwise. And I began to see that I was in a position where if we had met, I would rely on your desire for me to make me feel desirable. And that would be just as disastrous as when I used to rely on others' love to make me feel lovable.

I want you to desire me in every way possible. But I need to feel that I'm desirable in those ways all on myself. I cannot rely on you to generate my sense of self-worth even in the realm of desirability. So I've been taking some time to work once again upon my self-perception. I don't think I'll ever be done with that process. But that's okay with me. I hope it will be okay with you. I think it will, because I envision you as the kind of person who can understand and appreciate that sort of thing.

I think I may still be struggling with this issue of feeling desirable when I meet you. And that's okay too. But I want you to make me a promise. I want you to promise that while you reassure me that you really do want me, you will also remind me that I can't rely on you to feel desirable. I need you to encourage me to work on this myself and for myself. After all, I think that's an important part of relationships: challenging each other to be more than we currently are.

Fondly yours,
-- Jarred.