Dear Lover

Dear Lover,

I have to admit, I'm a bit disappointed today. Up until last night, I thought I had actually found you. I had met a guy a while back, and based on circumstances and conversations, I began to believe that he was you. Well, it turns out that I had royally misinterpreted things, and my hopes that my wait and search were almost over came crashing down. So now I find myself a little sadder today (don't worry though, as I'm sure I'll recover soon enough) as I return to a more uncertain wait.

But I'm writing you today to do more than cry on your shoulder. This unfortunate experience has also given me more insight as to the kind of person I hope you'll be. You see, the reason I thought Sean was you was because he made a few statements that were a bit open-ended. He meant that as off-handed comments. And at first, I took them as such. But as time went on -- and after he made a particular comment that was a bit hard not to misinterpret at least a little -- I started getting the distinct impression that he was trying to express a romantic interest in a somewhat subtle way, the kind often attempted by those of us who are somewhat shy. So based on these incorrect interpretations, I came to an equally uncorrect decision.

When we finally and truly meet, I hope that you are daring enough to express your possible interest more directly. I don't want to have to rely on subtle hints and undertones in comments that could be misinterpreted. After all, it would save a great deal of trouble. I also hope you'll be the kind of person who's more direct in communicating in the relationship -- both as it starts and as it moves into a mature commitment. After all, it's so much easier than having to try and second guess intended meanings and connotations.

Don't get me wrong, Lover. I'm not expecting you to take all of the risks in the realm of communications. After all, it wouldn't be fair to me to ask you to always stick your ass on the line and face potential disappointment. I'm willing to be just as direct. When we meet, I'm more than willing to be the first to express interest, as scary as that thought may be to me. All I ask is that before I put my ass on that line, I at least would like to know there's something of a chance. (For example, I don't want to spend a great deal of time working up the courage to ask you out, only to find out you're engaged at the critical moment.)

In the end, Lover, I guess it's about vulnerability as much as it's about visibility. The two are interrelated, after all. So I guess in the end, I hope you're the kind of person who realizes that too, and are willing to chance the vulnerability necessary to help make my job of finding you a little easier. After all, you're so wonderful, I want to find you so that I can spend and share my life with you.

Longingly yours,
Jarred.

Dear Lover,

As I was wandering about today, I got thinking about these letters I've written to you. And it occurred to me that it would be awesome if, after finally meeting you, I found out you were writing similar letters to me. After all, I've put a lot of time into thinking about what I'd like you to be like, and it only seems fair that you should be given the chance to express your hopes about what I'm like.

Unfortunately, I can't write those letters for you. But it seems appropriate to me to take this time to write you not about what I hope to find in you, but what I can promise you will find in me. After all, it's only fair.

The first thing that I can promise you is fidelity. I believe in commitments. I believe they're the center of any healthy love relationship. I'm not one that is going to fly the first time there's a small hiccup in our relationship. Nor am I the kind to be on the lookout for the "bigger better deal." When I know that I'm with you, I fully intend to stay with you. (I'd be crazy not to.)

When the problems do come (and let's face it, all relationships have their problems), I promise to work with you to find solutions rather than playing the blame game. There are few (if any) obstacles that two dedicated people cannot overcome one way or another, and I'm ready to do my part to find the way to overcome every last obstacle.

I promise to be sensitive to your needs and feelings. That's not to say I won't goof up from time to time, but I promise that I will listen, and do my best to respect and honor both your feelings and needs, and fulfill them whenever I reasonably can.

When I'm upset, I promise to try my best to handle the situation and my feelings in a mature way. I will also talk it over with you rather than making you play "guess what's annoying Jarred now." After all, it's best for both of us if we talk these things over.

I also offer to share my love of life and all the joys and pleasures it has to offer with you. Relationships are hard work, but I promise to do all I can to make sure that you find it all well worth your effort.

There are many more things I can offer you, Lover. And I anxiously await to share them with you. And by all means, if there's something I haven't mentioned, please let me know. After all, if your my perfect lover, I must be yours, too.