Dear Lover

Originally written 17 July 2005.

Dear Lover,

It's me again. I went out tonight. I wanted to do a bit of shopping and then decided to go to Friendly's aftwards to get a bite to eat and do some reading. And while I was there, I thought of you. So I wanted to write you again.

Actually, my thought processes started out by thinking of my last boyfriend, Mike. I forget exactly what thought crossed my mind, but it was something that I had an impulse to share it with Mike before I remembered that, well, he and I aren't talking any more. Which had me a little sad. Because it reminded me that I don't have someone right now with whom I can share those little things that cross my mind or those little events in life that excite me.

Which then made me think of you, because that's the kind of thing I look forward to sharing with you. I look forward to being able to call you, drop you a quick email, and eventually even come home to you and tell you about those little insignificant things that happened to me, but meant enough to me on some level that I just have to share it with you. Even the silly stuff, like the cutesie quote from some insipid Disney sequel I was watching that made me giggle. And I can just picture you listening quietly and intently, only to chuckle, shake your head, and tell me how much you love me.

I think that's a mistake people tend to make, Lover. They actually think that the person they're with has to have all the same interests they do and has to find all the same things neat or interesting. I don't think that's true at all. I don't need you to think that my cutesie quotes from insipid Disney sequels are interesting and neat. All I need from you is to acknowledge that I think they are neat and give me the love and attention of sharing it with you. Because in the end, what I'm really sharing with you is my own response, my own excitement, and my own joy. The cause of it isn't all that important. But if you can sit there and share in those little moments of excitement and love me for them, then you will be a truly fantastic lover.

And of course, I look forward to doing the same for you. I don't really care what gets you excited (well, besides me) or passionate, but I do hope that something (in addition to me) gets you excited and passionate. And I hope that you share that with me. I may not have the same interest in whatever it is, but I know that seeing your face light up and your words fill with deep feeling will be something that fills my own heart. And I look forward to that sort of thing.

Well, Lover, it's late at night. And I should probably get to bed. But I just wanted to take a moment to write and share this with you. I love you, and I hope you're dreaming sweet things.

Love,
-- Jarred.

Dear Lover,

The last week or so, I've been rediscovering something about myself. I've rediscovered that I'm an astoundingly intense person. Everything I do or say, I tend to put the full force of my heart and soul behind it. This means that every aspect of my life is filled with passion and intensity, burning just below the smooth surface, plainly obvious to anyone who wishes to look closely.

I've begun to realize that such intensity can be rather intimidating to a great deal of people. After all, we tend to live in a world that prefers to keep things light and superficial. And the level of intensity that I generate is antithetical to that preference. This is especially true when you consider that my openness and intensity tends to evoke similar reactions in those around me. To be honest, I think that response frightens a good many people more than my own intensity. It's one thing to see that in another person, but it's quite another to experience it in your own life.

I realize now, Lover, that you will need to be a truly emotionally courageous man. You will need to be the kind of guy who can look into the smoldering fire in my eyes and not back away. You might flinch, and you might even have to take a step back to prepare yourself from pressing on. But in the end, if our love is to work, you will press on. You're the kind of person that will be able to look within yourself, find the strength to face both what you see in my eyes and whatever it may evoke from your own heart and soul. After all, that is what attracts you to me, as well as what attracts me to you.

Passionately yours,
--Jarred