Dear Lover

This blog is the continuation of a bright idea I had about six months ago. After breaking up with my boyfriend, Mike, I decided that I needed to take time and think about what I wanted in a relationship. While I had a pretty good relationship with my ex, there were just some things that I wasn't happy with. So I decided it was time to express those feelings in writing.

Based on an idea a friend had once told me about, I decided to do this in an interesting format. Instead of writing down these thoughts in the form of an internal dialogue or monologue, I decided to write down my thoughts as a letter to a future lover. This way, I could further define what I was looking at, as if I were describing my ideal lover and what I wanted from him to him. I wrote the first five of these letters in both online and traditional journals.

A number of friends have already seen some of these letters and have commented about how much they liked them. More than one has even said they hope I eventually show them to my next boyfriend (whenever I should be fortunate enough to meet him). Given these responses, I decided it might even be a good idea to collect these letters into a single place.

The result is this blog. I hope to post the original five letters here, and add to them over time. I don't know how often this blog will update, though I hope I can manage at least a couple updates a month. However, I do hope that it becomes a great place where I can continue to explore my hopes and desires for a future relationship. And who knows, maybe someone else will get something out of it.

Dear Lover,

As I was wandering about today, I got thinking about these letters I've written to you. And it occurred to me that it would be awesome if, after finally meeting you, I found out you were writing similar letters to me. After all, I've put a lot of time into thinking about what I'd like you to be like, and it only seems fair that you should be given the chance to express your hopes about what I'm like.

Unfortunately, I can't write those letters for you. But it seems appropriate to me to take this time to write you not about what I hope to find in you, but what I can promise you will find in me. After all, it's only fair.

The first thing that I can promise you is fidelity. I believe in commitments. I believe they're the center of any healthy love relationship. I'm not one that is going to fly the first time there's a small hiccup in our relationship. Nor am I the kind to be on the lookout for the "bigger better deal." When I know that I'm with you, I fully intend to stay with you. (I'd be crazy not to.)

When the problems do come (and let's face it, all relationships have their problems), I promise to work with you to find solutions rather than playing the blame game. There are few (if any) obstacles that two dedicated people cannot overcome one way or another, and I'm ready to do my part to find the way to overcome every last obstacle.

I promise to be sensitive to your needs and feelings. That's not to say I won't goof up from time to time, but I promise that I will listen, and do my best to respect and honor both your feelings and needs, and fulfill them whenever I reasonably can.

When I'm upset, I promise to try my best to handle the situation and my feelings in a mature way. I will also talk it over with you rather than making you play "guess what's annoying Jarred now." After all, it's best for both of us if we talk these things over.

I also offer to share my love of life and all the joys and pleasures it has to offer with you. Relationships are hard work, but I promise to do all I can to make sure that you find it all well worth your effort.

There are many more things I can offer you, Lover. And I anxiously await to share them with you. And by all means, if there's something I haven't mentioned, please let me know. After all, if your my perfect lover, I must be yours, too.